I mean I”m not dying in a genocide, forced to execute a genocide, I’m not being a abused, starved, and I”m not 400 pounds.
but you know emotional distress and now i”m drinking while in the library and writing my essay. I’m also listening to tegan and sara and maybe beginning to miss the way things used to be which I thought would never happen.
I kind of miss them alot. this is weird. and maybe I”m excerpierancing regret. How do I know I’m doing the right thing?
The wall surrounding them they never saw;
The angels, often. Angels were as common
As birds or butterflies, but looked more human.
As long as the wings were furled, they felt no awe.
Beasts, too, were friendly. They could find no flaw
In all of Eden: this was the first omen.
The second…
This is one of my favorite poems of all time.
The visiting artist at my art school brought it in with him and taught us about syntax, breaking it down line by line and I reembered it was the first time I really appreciated mature poetry. Because before I breezed through poetry I never stopped to appreciate all the things it was skillfully accomplishing in doing, I never noticed the movement, the tempo in which I read it, anything. I never noticed how the ty[pe of words used matched the idea.
” the fruit had no taste at all” not the apple because apple has a taste just the fruit, it has no place, its nothing, ti doesn’t matter, its not about the fruit.
I just showed it to my friend’s boyfriend, Will, who is a really sweet kid who thinks he knows so much ,but you know. that happens. anyways his mind is BLOWN. she just dragged him off so I could work and they could have midnight breakfast at our cafeteria which is a thing we have during exams, and he was like no! I want to talk to nina some more! and it was really cute.
is posting personal stuff on my pocketsmut account accidentally.
its like the quivalent of forgetting pants on my way to school.
thinking about it, I work myself into a tizzy.
I have a ton of work to do.
I haven’t started.
goddamnit.
I get discouraged and stopped dressing well. that sounds really vain. But freal, I love putting out fits to gether and then I get so monotonous and my clothes don’t fit and its not that I don’t have time, its just that when I’m stressed my brain forgets to work that way.
Yesterday I wore my blue halter dress, a gold blazer, green tights, aquarium, and my orthopedic shoes. I looked hot. the dress is the type that doesn’t tie, it just kind of clings and alwyas looks like its begging to be peeled off.
Today: orange and blue striped cardigan thats real light and a purple deep v that exposes my chest hair the curves of my breast, and a pale skirt. I’m also wearing my pink bow and my hair is up, and cocked to the side so my curls stick out like a growth.
whose loud as fuck.
earlier today I was coughing and now my phone is dying but I’m going to leave it onnn.
This is so abrasive.
I fucking love it.
I went from apathetic and quietly productive to anxiety ridden, overwhelmed, slightly upset, and stressed.
How do I do this?
my friend died last september, and no, no I don’t want to talk about it.
And if your my friend who knew him to and wants to talk about, just know, that I really don’t. and yeah maybe that means I’m a bad friend, but maybe not.
I don’t think “good friend’ means giving everything and putting yourself through immense personal discomfort at the expense of the other person. I think maybe I need to not talk bout it the same way she need to talk about it. and thats just the way the world works.
I think that option is important and I”m proud of myself for preserving it.
of course! ToThePumpKin is my screenname. I completely understand, I’m the creator of pocketsmut which is how I found your tumblr, this is my personal tumblr.
I want to organize a tumblr exchange where everyone will send and receive one small package and a letter, sort of like a secret santa. The letter can be anything, about yourself, a short story you wrote, what you ate for breakfast, that park where they took out the spectacular(ly dangerous) 70s…
I am totally interest in this!
whenever a man with a beard smiles at me I feel sexy hot.
1. Work as a nude model for the school.
2. Learn how to eat fire.
3. roadtrip. quick.
4. work as a phonesex worker.
5. work in an asylum
6. work as a psychic.
7. own a fully illustrated medical dictionary.
…most of this was inspired by this american life.
