Hey strangers,
I hope you are all doing well.
Last night I went to sleep at ten o clock and I got up at eight today! It was amazing. Actuallyi t was kind of weird cause i actually got up around 7 even though I didn’t have to be up till 9:30 and I think I may have slept too much which wouldn’t have been true EVER in Greenville so maybe my body is adjusting to all the not sleeping I’m doing?
College is beginning to feel less and less like summer camp and more and more like real life. Cue panicking.
I realized the other day though, while I was panicking over my major and my classes and what I was going to do with my life, that I am doing just fine because the point of my life is to answer the big question on the point of life and to learn and love as much as possible and I’m learning so many valuable things right now.
The biggest thing I’m learning is to back away so far from the big picture that it looks small. I’m also learning to disconnect things from myself, and to look at the orgin of things. I am no longer in the picture and its disconcerting.
Chinese is just hard.
I’m learning to study and “manage time” too. I’m learning to say no and go home and sleep.
There’s a group of lesbians here who I watch the L word with every night, we didn’t last night because we went to pride and at pride I realized how unout I am. I’ve spent most of my life being unaware that I”m gay, suppressing it, then only sort of coming out. Here I’m out but I prefer not to talk about it. I didn’t like pride unless I pretended I wasn’t gay. Then I loved pride.
When I’m around people here I’m quiet, I don’t feel the need to be as loud as I used to be unless I need to impress. But Ifeel like I do need to be me eventually so slowly I’m getting louder among the Laurens who are my main group of friends.
