Armpit Flowers.

why yes, I am overrun with work, even though I feel like the only one who is? My suitemates don’t appear to do alot but its their life, not mine. I shouldn’t judge.

So college. Its hard and busy so Irarely ahve time to chill in my dorm anymore, except for today, I’m studying. Except obviously I’m not.

…I don’t have friends yet. This is because I have yet to meet people who I appreciate and vise versa, but I think thats ok. Not much was happening earlier this week, or stuff was happening, but like greek life stuff. Stuff I wasn;t intrested in. But classes started yesterday! And tomorrow I have drawing where I will actually draw, not just talk about the syallabus like I did the first day! I’m very excited to learn the basics.

 Tomorrow I also have Sociology which does not look promising. Thomas Freeman is in that class. The proffessor asked us to write her a letter about hourselves and I drew a giaraffe. I felt really dumb turning it in.

And I have elementary statistics. The instructor reminds me of and makes me miss roy alot. He’s a really fantastic instructor I think.

Today I took chinese which was fun. The instructor is really nice, I thought she would be inty and mean but she was really fantastic. Everyone was so intelligent there and I hope I get to be friends with all of them. Thats actually partially why I feel more optimistic, they are the type of people I want to be friends with. The instructor rtalked alot about us finding a chinese name, how each symbol in a name meant something, and how she  wanted nothing more than to provide us wiht a name that fit each of us individually. She wanted to find us a name, “not give us” one. So we’re having meetings with her the next couple of weeks and shes going to talk with us and we are going to find our names. I am excited.

She, the instructor, also wants us to become friends. She plans on having us work in groups that shes going to mix up every now and then so we can meet new people. She is also planning wednesday tea (!!!) so that we can sit around and eat dumplings and get to know each other.

love it.

Gender outlaws I think will be just as satisfactory. I mean I had it today. I like dit. ITs all about sexuality and gender outlwas and the profesor is very sexually open. I’m just excited. 

ok! studying now. 

or sleep, really.

But the not eating thing is what is more suprising to me, because sometimes I legitimately forget andI’ve enver been the type of person to do that before, act when I”m at home food is one of the always things I can think about even when I’m not hungry.

Here its sort of that I don’t have time for food, that the cafeteria isn’t open yet, but I have snacks in my room and I don’t go crazy and binge on those, really I’m too preoccupied.

But I think its more than that. Last night I felt really upet because I just felt freally overwhelmed and unstable and iI realized Becca’s friends drink and smoke, which I don’t have a problem with, but I think I realized I never met people who drink and smoke alot that I don’t already have a problem with, I think I just realized I was falling down the rabbit hole.

The thing about my dorm is you’d have to sign yourself out then back in to have a cigarette, so I walked around mcconnell, then I ate a slice of pizza, and apples with peanut butter, which is alot of food for college nina. My belly hurt so bad after, it still does. 

I don’t think I ever realized how much food I eat out of anxiety, discomfort, or boredom. I’m so glad to be out of my house. 

you can tell. My eyebrow hair is growing back in. I kind of like it, it makes me look like a wolf. Or, you know, a girl whose between waxes. But I prefer wolf.

the feel of tense muscel when I put my hand on my upper back thigh and I’m bending over and I feel strong.

Hipster Dance Parties like the one I just had at Becca, Anna, and Julia (and Jillian who wasn’t moved in yet)’s suite, where we talk about trendy music and blast it from Anna’s speakers all of us dancing awfully, uila sitting on a chiar in her frog slippers making fun of Dancing HIpsters but not specifically us, our bellies full of the fudge Anna made earlier that night, which, we all agreed, could use some bourbon. 

The long talk me and my resident assistant had about drugs, bisexuality, and learning. I love my RA she is so sweet and nice and we seem very similar. 

That I recognized, finally„ that the reason I act so awkward in front of strangers is because I’m shy.

That I didn’t fall off my loft last night.

The cinnamon Hazelnut coffee my mother gave me, it tastes delicious I don’t really mind not eating.

The set up of my dorm. It’s fantastic. I have so much storage space and I have suite style bathrooms and right now, maybe because no one is here, there is so much space.

The journal I got on clearance at Urban Outfitters and how I was able to think about market philosophy while wandering the airconditioned store.

How much fun I”m having :] 

I’m really only posting because I think I want to remember this?

Right now I’m fucking terrified. I am not excited I’m scared out of my mind and disoriented. I”m excited to paint all the cardboard I’ve accumulated and i”m starting to get the layout of my room down but when my parents first left me I was so upset. The stove didn’t work so I could make indian tea and my dorm was completely empty and it was so lonely. 

I’ve never really lived by myself ever. and it just occured to me what I’m going and that I’m a college kid and I”ve heard that title that “college kid” title and its never included me and all the sudden it does. How does that happen? 

I never though I would really make it to this point and now that I”m here I”m scared. Everyone feels older than me. I don’t know how to act and I feel fake to even myself. 

I’m so so scared.

11 hours before I leave for Charleston and my beloved letter box has gone missing!!!!!!!!!!

D: 

I’m going to pack. then I”m going to panic. Then, if I can sleep (if I don’t sleep its ok because its a four hour drive and I think I”ll have more trouble falling alseep tomorrow night. So any bit of tired helps)

I could leave the letters and find it over summer break, but I was going to decorate my dorm with over five years of letters postcards and my side is going to look so sad without it.

But on a brighter note: I did find my wallet today. 

icodeforlove:

This is my first tumblr post :), I’ll attempt to introduce myself…

My name is Chad, I’m 20 years old, and I live in Los Angeles. I’m a total computer nerd, I have been into computer for as long as i can remember. I normally don’t come off as a nerd/geek but if you hit the right subject its over ;).

I have been employed by Sony Pictures Imageworks Interactive for the past two years as a Web Developer/Engineer (great team over there).

I will probably be posting on tumblr about code, and nerdy stuff that has tickled my soul.

I hope tumblr gives me a warm welcome, you guys can find me on twitter @icodeforlove

I think you should read microserfs, its all about coding in the 90s :]

Today I said goodbye to Bethe, another best friend, but it didn’t feel like a goodbye. Maybe because last time we said good bye she left for Germany for a year, but this isn’t so extreme so it doesn’t feel like goodbye?

This is hard to explain.

In Germany Bethe didn’t have a cell phone or internet realy so I dind’t talk to her ever. Here, Bethe has  a phone. I said goodbye than I texted her, its ok. I’m going to still talk to her, and(hopefully) I’m going to meet alot of new people so its going to be ok. I keep saying that, but I’m trying to emphasize how ok we, I am going to be.

But. I know it sounds like I have all these best friends and it kind of desensitizes  the word, but really. I’m close to these people. I’ve known them for years, all of them over 3, most of them over 6. 

This is how I make friends. I see people, we hang out and then I wrap my tentacles around them and keep them close forever. Now i have to let my babies go so I can go to college and its weird,because I”m letting them go but I’m not letting them go.

That sounds naiive, let me preface this with the fact that most of them have already left my indian love nest and we’ve stayed close. I know what I’m doing. (kind of.)

xanaxandpercocet:

That I wore for some Christmas pictures when I was like 2. I brought it downstairs to show my mom and she started crying.

Leaving for college SUCKS ASS.

…My dad snarls almost everytime I leave the house and says “You’ll be leaving soon enough, why do you need a preview?”

it looks all rainy outside and right now I’m pretending to pack and my mom is downstairs making me good bye food in the form of thai and hopefully later I’ll make me and bethe some tea and we can talk it out and so goodbye because I really won’t see her for awhile.

When I say pretend to pack I mean listen to MIA and play neopets. freal you guys. 

• A cup of soggy popcorn.
• An eighth of a cup of coffee.
• half a mango, eaten with hands and teeth. 

sneezes:

-but saying that outloud makes me feel as dumb as people who are hardcore into twlight D:

No. Do not ever feel dumb for loving Harry Potter. It is not the same thing as twilight. At all. Ever. 

The thing about Harry Potter is that it was 7 books, each one released roughly two years apart. That’s epic, and if you’re like me you remember being a kid and rereading the latest book, fantasizing about the new one and just having to make do with the ones already released. You probably also remember the speed at which you consumed each one upon its release, and how you and your friends would compare the amount of days and hours it took you to digest the latest one. 

Those are important memories and associations that Twilight will never have. Because twilight is four books, five I heard, because Stephanie Meyer loves money. They did not penetrate my childhood and when I read them I wasn’t impressed. 

J.k Rowling may not be the new age equivilent of Virginia Woolf, but she does understand a story. Each of the seven books is imaginative (in my opinion), and features a Hero’s journey, which isn’t that impressive until you realize that each little heros journey contributes to one giant heros journey that connects the books. The story, if you look at it as a whole is fantastically consistent and interwoven, plot points that were mentioned in the first book come back in the seventh. 

The plot featured in Twilight is very very present. I think thats what makes it so addicting, its all plot, and when the plot isn’t advancing its Bella and Edward in Bella’s bedroom for another chapter of tween porn. But even though the plot is there, it isn’t complex, its simple, predictable, and everything ends happily. 

Also Twilight, like most books, pushes a social agenda. The only differance is I don’t approve of the Twilight one? Most books, like the princess diaries, are all about helping the enviornment and being yourself. Twilight is all about premarital sex being a sin and letting boys control you. The gender roles in the book are traditional, lopsided, and unhealthy.

Basically what I”m trying to say is: Harry Potter and Twilight are not the same thing. They will never be the same thing because Harry Potter is an imaginitive seven book series and Twilight is four books of plot and porn marketed to tweens. 

/rant. 

reply to my fucking text and be a good friend for once, douchebag. I feel like when you need me and I ignore you I am being cruel and unforgiving, but when you need me and I don’t ignore you I feel like I’m hurting myself. I’m so tired of you blowing me off expecially when I need you. I thought I was being clingy at first, but we’re done. I’m done with you. 

This sounds a lot more scandalous than it actually is. These past two days, they’ve been strange. 

Did I mention I’m leaving for college in two days? I’m serious. two days. 

So these past couple days I’ve been packing and saying goodbye and its been numbing? I don’t know how to describe it. I feel like I’m prematurely homesick for my family. I already miss my parents, but at the same time I’m so tired of my parents and I can’t wait to leave, but I know when they leave I might just cry because its one of those partings. 

A less ambivilent matter is that on Sunday I said goodbye to ryann,and tonight I just said goodbye to Kristie and Glory, and tomorrow I’ll be saying goodbye to Bethe. Now I went a year without Bethe, we’ve done that before and I’m used to her not being there, and me and ryann can function apart (even though I’d rather be with her). I am really really torn apart by saying goodbye to Glory and Kristie.

I’m tempted to say that I’ve never been sadder, but I know that wouldn’t be true. I’ve been sadder, of course I’ve been sadder, infact in a few days when I”m even lonlier I’m sure I”ll be definitively sadder, but right now I feel like an elephant just sat on my heart. 

I’m not going to see the people I love for a very long time and I am nervous and scared and worried.

:[

xanaxandpercocet:

For those of you that i’m mentally distubing.

Quite contrary. I am fascinated by killers, corpses, and ribcages. 

that tonight I’ll be watching the meteors alone, in my pajamas while laying my neighbors drive way just thinking about life and stuff. Tomorrow Kristie gets back from Florida and we’ll watch it together, but you know. I’m kind of excited for alone time so I can straighten out my issues before I go to college. 

I think it was last year, possibly the eyar before. I watched i while talking to kristie on the phone it was the most magical night. Meteor showers make me feel so excited, I can’t get over them We talked from 11 at night to about 3 in the morning, then my brother cam outside and we drove somewhere away from the city to get a better view.

Thats real bonding, you guys. 

natalyssa:

nataliejo:

I mean, yeah my mom just has a weird face whenever I talk about a guy and she figures out he’s white.

But i’m talking about SERIOUS bitched upon. Hm.

It sucks. My parents have no problem with it, it’s my GREAT GRANDPARENTS. They’re like, hardcore italian, so they don’t accept anyone who isn’t. It’s to the point where they wouldn’t come to my wedding if I married anyone who wasn’t Italian. Bullshiiiit.

This is an interesting issue to me. I’m first generation Indian and alot my Indian peers don’t even hang out with nonindians, and if they do (which with some nudging, they’re starting to) they don’t really look at american girls unless the girls are like GORGEOUS. Even then, for them, its not a long term thing. I find that interesting though, they would take an ok looking (by their standards) indian girl nay day over a gorgeous american one.

The thing with my parents is they had an arranged marriage. My dad sort of wants that for me, but my mother does expect that. I think they expect me to date and date any race as long as I don’t introduce them. When they meet someone, it better be the one, I better try really fucking hard to make sure he’s indian. Trying hard includes going to India to look for a spouse, putting up matrimonials, joining indian singles sites, and ifthose don’t go through then they’re open to the idea of a non indian, but really, I should only go there if I’m desperate. 

(in their opinion. I find all races sexy as hell. )

xanaxandpercocet:

I’m cheap as hell

I’m shopping for clothes on Delias and so I decided to see how much the total is so far on 2 dresses 3pairs of convereses and a Fleece Peacoat. Right now the total is $299, my heart literally dropped to my toes. I mean I know it’s not TOO much for all that stuff but damn I hate spending my own money.

Ever since I started shopping goodwill what I think is acceptable for clothing to cost has become really unreasonable. Ten dollars for a dress, to me, is alot of money. Shoes, unless they’re boots, are all four dollars, and boots are six. All clothing ranges from 5 dollars to fifty cents. These prices spoil me. 

listening for my father to come home and walk up the stairs so I can mimic his heavy steps and walk out of my room. Then I skitter back into my room just in time to hear him sighing and grumbling with my mom in their room (our rooms are linked by vents so I can hear them. its great) 

but first, an overview of today:

• I said goodbye to Ryann which made me feel sad in a wistful way. Like I didn’t cry, but when I hugged her that was my last time I was going to do that and I didn’t really want her to leave, but at the same I knew she had to leave and I knd of didn’t want to prolong it. A beginning often begins with an end. 
• I saw Bethe who is happily spending her days with Price, and we arranged a time to say our goodbyes, on Wednesday, but its better to get things out sooner than later.
• I had dinner with my parents, uneventful but I feel like its important
• I realized how much long dreads/braids look like tentacles. Best discovery possibly all day.

astoryforsupper:

I haven’t even had it for a year hahahaha. I got it September 15th, the day after Dan and I started going out. I TOLD HIM HE MADE ME A WOMAN.

I went to the bathroom during global and I was like omg and I ran out of the bathroom and my friend Brittany happened to be walking past and I grabbed her and I’m like PERIOD. NURSE. NOW.

And then I had to use those HUGEEEEEEEEEE pads that the nurse has and then I got home and yeah.

And I texted my mom telling her and I texted my dad and I’m like ‘YO, i gots ma period!’

I amuse myself.

/pointless

This is adorable.  I got mine when I was like 11, but I wished it had come later. Much later, just so I could’ve had a post like this.  I wish I had been this proud, instead I was just super embarressed because I got vag blood all over my kitten pajamas. 

that posting a close up picture of my face from photobooth is not the most attractive thing. Like clearly, my nose is not my biggest problem, but freal guys, its freaking me out.

(this is not a bad self esteem post. I am not fishing for compliments. I like my face. my nose worries me. thats it :]) 

Serena reminds me of a mermaid. 

juurceka:

oops. my mom was talking about manatees, so i guess i got confused. :S

hahahaha. That is understandable. Hippos are my favorite animals, so you know, when I see one I get kind of excited. (I also had a very similar expierance to manatees.)(it was awful. Except we did get pictures of manatees doing adorable things, like eating lettuce. But freal, it was like getting brine shrimp instead of sea monkeys. Ok, but still a dissappointment.)

So far I’m exchanging letters with Avital, shayna, and Meagan, both who I know from nfaa. Also Ben, who I met at CONA. From tumblr there’s Charla and Kate, and a couple others who I’m waiting to make contact with, and in a few weeks I’ll probably start writing to Bethe, Ryann and Kristie.

I like sending letters. I like thinking up gifts for people as I get to know them. I’m learning to crochet so I can make creatures to give away.

What I’m trying to say is, I have a lot of penpals, but I don’t mind more. If you are a fan of postcards and letters then email/reblog me. (( YouDaMunster@gmail.com )) 

As far as penpals go, I am ok. Sometimes I reply right away and sometimes I take two months, but for the most part I am ok. 

I was just talking to Doug who moved into Auburn today and is currently sitting alone in his room talking to me on fb chat.

I go to college in 10 days. Ten fucking days. I’m not packed. At all. I still have to order my books for chinese, and I’m really fucking nervous about meeting people. 

Last night I met up with Kelly, Flemming, Noelle, and becca and kristie (of course). We walked around downtown and layed on a patch of grass and everyone smoked, except I didn’t cause, duh, just smoked with Will (lyyying. I totally smoked too. But the three week rule is temporarily eliminated since its the last week of college and all that shit). 

It was really nice to meet new people and have a great time with them and get close to them so I’m sort of getting excited. But simultaneously I’m getting terrified. 

I can’t fathom what college will be like and thats scary. 

natalyssa:

(via zombiesarecute)

This is how I feel most nights. Minus the Stephen King, plus a little Jonathan Foer.

FUCK YEAH JONATHAN FOER

but no one ever believes me when I say that.

I understand how addiction, like carbon monoxide, often slips in undetected binding  to nessacity like CO to hemoglobin, until you are dead from it. 

But I keep a calender and mark when I smoke, spacing out the sessions by at least three weeks if not more,

but sometimes its just really night to walk around suburbia at night with a friend and a pack of cloves. 

Today (technically yesterday) I went to the doctor and got three shots: menactra (meningitis), Tetanus, and Gardasil.

My doctor kind of pushed the Garadasil one on me, and my mom was like “uh, Ninas not going to have sex.” and my doctor was like “wait, what?” and I was all “Oh my god. My mom things I’m going to wait until marriage”

I don’t even believe in marriage.